“Shame is embarrassment because of failure of performance; guilt is offending something that you regard as a higher authority.” Joseph Campbell

Of late, the works of Joseph Campbell resonate.  It is wonderful that we have video of his many lectures and conversations to listen to his interpretation on the Hero’s Journey, man’s quest for and to Self.  In his lecture on mythology, “Joseph Campbell: Mythos,” (http://movies.netflix.com/WiMovie/Joseph_Campbell_Mythos/70213209?trkid=2361637 ) he succinctly differentiates Shame and Guilt.  For all the negativity we experience for these two emotions, his differentiation offers insight that these emotions are neither good nor bad, that it is perceptive that makes these strong emotions “good” or “bad.” 

In our work do we differentiate Shame from Guilt?  Performance and Purpose?  How could an understanding of the value of Shame and Guilt bring excellence to our work?  Yes, value.  How could feeling  Shame as being honest with oneself on how one is brining oneself to one’s work; and, Guilt, how one is living to one’s higher value bring excellence?  As we work, do we perform to our own highest ability?  Are we honest with our Self as to what that is?  Do we contemplate the higher purpose of our work; and our sense of Guilt when we are not to that purpose?  Ah, Joseph Campbell, how he continues to make one think. . . .

It has been awhile since my last post.  February and March have been very busy months.  Yeah!  That said, this topic has been germinating in that time and finally decided to join this reality.  

How many times have you sat and listened to your client say,”I try . . .”  How do you feel about what they are saying?  It resonates with me as a dull thud, stopping them from action.  I feel their energy blocked and the “try” keeping them from doing.

Early on in my coaching I found my client’s energy would shift when I asked them to reframe what they said without the word “try.”  Still today, it does not cease to amaze me how much lighter and more energized they feel with the reframe.  Neurolinguistics is such a fascinating aspect of coaching; the use of words and their ability to motive and unmotivate, “try” being the latter.

As a coach who endeavors to walk her talk, I challenged myself to remove the word “try” from my vocabulary.  It was quite a challenge early on.  When we “try” we are placating ourselves with a false sense that we are doing.  I, too, could feel how I did the same myself.  Today the word creeps into a sentence now and then. When it does I pause, smile, reframe and feel I am doing.  As Yoda would say “Do or not do, there is no try.”  

Next Round of “The Coaching Circle”  beginning in April for another way to hone your coaching skills.

_ I begin with Happy New Year!  A year has moved to our memories and another awaits, full of possibilities.

The week between the holidays offered time to read, watch and listen.  I read some fiction, some non-fiction, some business building.  I watched . . . movies, my favorite pastime.  And I had the opportunity to listen to an NPR program “On Being” hosted by Krista Tippet.  A program most interesting and one I get the opportunity to listen to only occasionally.  The program is most thought provoking.  However, I write of the program for it provided me with an “ah-ha” moment. 

What are “ah-ha” moments?  These are times in our life when we finally understand something.  Suddenly our thoughts are in full alignment, the answer is there.  You Know the Truth.  The questioning ceases, and you know how to move forward.

Assisting a client in finding the answers that show them how to move forward is an aspect of the essence of coaching.  During a conversation, when a client has an “ah-ha” moment, a moment when not only do they feel in alignment, you do as well.  It is such shared energy.  You both know that a moving forward is going to occur.  As a coach to personally experience such a moment, to feel it, know it, integrate it into who you are, does so much to deepen your authenticity.  With personal experience to such a moment energy expands in the sharing when it comes to clients. 

So my ah-ha moment . . .

As a first born Catholic the teaching of Catholicism are deep in my fabric.  However, there is an aspect of the teaching of Christ that I have long had difficulty with.  This being the concept of “Turn the other cheek.”  Throughout my life there have been times when turning the other cheek felt as if I was being taken advantage of.  I wondered how does that resolve conflict between people? 

After 58 years of living, in the broadcast “Pursing Happiness,” I reached an understanding of what Jesus Christ meant, and so much has fallen into place since.

First the full translation as stated in the American King James Version, Luke 6:29 –“And to him that smites you on the one cheek offer also the other; and him that takes away your cloak forbid not to take your coat also."

Toward the end of the discussion between the Dalai Lama, and three global spiritual leaders: a Muslim scholar, a chief rabbi, and a presiding bishop, Ms. Tippet asked, “Your Holiness, compassion is obviously central to what you teach and also to your understanding of a happy life . . . what advice you might offer to this moment in our collective life?  The Dalai Lama responded, “Jesus Christ, . . .For example, in the Gospel, you know, in the Gospel you find the commandment that, if some hit you on your right cheek, then turn the other cheek.”  The discussion continued on compassion, nonviolence, etc. 

Then Most Rev. Dr. Katharine Jefferts Schori, the Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church of the U.S provided my “ah-ha’ moment.  She explained that, “Hitting on one cheek in the ancient world, the superior would hit with the back of the hand. And if you turned your head, he would have to use the other hand and look you in the face. So suddenly the dynamic has changed. He would have to see you. He can't simply hit an inferior.

That’s it! Ah-ha!  I told myself.  When someone has to look you in the eye it becomes personal and that is the opportunity.  A relationship, a resolution, a solution can only be formed when it becomes personal.  It was such an OMJ (Oh, my Jesus) moment.  In turning “the other cheek,” there is the opportunity for the situation to become personal.

It exemplified another aspect of the essence of coaching.  The coaching relationship is personal.  That meeting the client, eye-to-eye, as a equal allows for the most gratifying coaching relationship.  Not as a superior .  Not as an inferior.  As an equal partner is when all things are possible.  That when a client “hits” you with a statement that doesn’t feel quite right look into their eyes, “turn the other cheek.”  I hope that explains it somewhat, for this is another aspect of the “ah-ha” moment, words are unnecessary and any words shared are insufficient in explaining the feeling, the understanding that has been made Known.

So in closing this first writing of the New Year, as a coach building experience, skills, knowledge, personally experiencing ah-ha’s, any growth, and integrating it into your own fabric is building your authenticity, your unique coaching gifts, and bringing the best of you to your clients.

Happy New Year!